Friday, October 24, 2003
today was ok for me.. i was not in such a bad mood... mayb coz i was alone most of the time... woke up at a shining 12 noon... ate something at home b4 goin out... went nokia care to collect my hp... never did i dream that i still hafta wait 0.5 hrs for my hp to b ready!! so i had to walk arnd town alone for a while while wait 4 my hp... actually the feelin was quite good... its juz lk the feelin of being alone in the noisy crowd... everyone is with someone n yet i m all alone... i juz feel diff from ppl...
yup anyway, after i collected my hp.. i went to meet boi caroline mel n xueting at caroline s workplace in esplanade... everything was fine... i talk to boi as usual.. it really feels nothing at all!! feels really happy!!! =) pass her something n left... wasn t feelin very good... still feelin quite sick from my flu virus... haiz...
on my way home i juz gave my dear a call.. surprised to find out he was in serangoon... really miss him all of a sudden.. so decided to take a cab down to look for him since i dunno the way oso... i dunno y.. but the feelin of seein him again feels really good again... think i have really fallen for him this time... no doubt... i juz love him... nothing else... he send me to amk after that.. with me forcin him to go home... felt a little bad too coz he seems quite sick.. dun wan him to travel all the long journeys juz to send me home... hope he is home safe n sound...
boi!! lets go out for a meal one day k?? really elated to see the smile on ur face again!! told u.. i would do anything to keep the smile on ur face...
thanx my sickly yunx... the msg on ur blog made me feel much much better... sunshine is out again!! hope u r feelin better!! lala!! u too.. better get well soon k??
intoxicated* ||| 8:51:00 PM
Thursday, October 23, 2003
intoxicated* ||| 2:39:00 PM
i m bloody hell sick now!! really sick!! got the flu virus from lala.. think got the fever from yunx.. hahaha.. coz went amk central to meet kaixin n lala yesterday after their school with yunx.. had to stay at home today again!! suppose to go sentosa today with sera celest lala n yunx, but my dear mummy disapprove.. =( so sad.. nvm.. i muz make it to sentosa 1 day during the holiday!!! I DUN CARE!!
feelin quite down again now.. suppose to go out with him in the evenin to airport coz its our 2nd month today.. but AGAIN.. my plan is thwarted coz my mum dun allow me to step out of the house at all!! so irritatin... was still plannin to eat SWENSENS ice cream if i was goin.. everything seems so impossible now!! argh.... so irritatin!!
anyway.. he was rite.. its so IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone... everybody is juz unhappy with me be it wat i do... BUT WATEVER!! i juz cant b bothered... wat matter most is me myself being happy.. i m juz so tired of pleasin everyone at the expense of me myself being happy.. wats the point?? in the end.. i dun even get to benefit at all!! ARGH!!!! enough is enough!! if my life is goin to b like that, so b it!! i dun give a heck!!! felt really fucked up!! felt this way coz too many people r havin too much comments on everything!!! comments r good at times but not all the time... mayb i should juz exile myself from everyone else for a period of time... get away from everyone for teh time being.. have some time to myself....
but i really miss him rite now... really miss him... juzcant describe.. mayb i have my way of handlin things when ppl thinks i dun care... but in actual fact i do care a lot... mayb i juz dun show it out.. i have my own fuckin way of carin for ppl.. is that wrong?? i m feelin quite sick now.. but yet i do have the urge of goin to c him now... i really miss him... sometimes i really think if we need some time off... but come to think of it.. i might juz die not callin him or not seein him.. juz torturin myself.. did not i say juz now that i wan myselfto b happy??? so i should juz forget bout it... i might really juz die... he is becomin more n more impt to me now... i promise i will change for him.. if he is willin to give me another chance... i swear...
to her.. i really dunno wats goin on now.. but juz let me know when u r ready... its always better if we can talk things out... i wanna b happy as well as i wan u to b happy.. u may think that i dun care but i really still care nothing change... its juz that my style of showin concern for my fren is diff.. no matter wat i still treat u as a good fren of mine... now n ever!! stayin by ur side all the time...
so watever... shall juz go eat now... dun wanna starve myself.. REM!! YAN MUZ B HAPPY NO MATTER WAT!!! others opinion dun mean a shit to me now... to all my frenz out there.. juz wanna let u know that wat matter most is how u feel... dun care wat others say bout u.. stayin happy is v v v impt to me now!!! love ya all my frenz.. i love u too dear.. wat matters to me now is that u r happy too...
intoxicated* ||| 2:38:00 PM
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
did not go to school today.. was not feelin well... haiz.. but come to think of it.. was juz a good thing coz they finish at 4 today... but i juz felt bored.. no hp no one to talk to.. i know that its criz off day today but i cant rem her no. coz i dun have my hp with me.. so irritatin.. its like the so near yet so far feelin... if not i can juz call her to chat n catch up...
anyway was readin criz blog juz now... saw the sentence "think my frenz r leavin me one by one" juz had mixed feelins.. coz i m feelin something like that but juz a diff way... i juz think that i m not a good fren after all.. good fren around me will juz not stay with me for long.. longest perhaps 1 yr?? sometimes i juz cant help askin myself "m i such a loucy fren?" or i juz blame myself for not being a good fren... mayb thats juz the reason y i cant keep my frenz by my side for long... something similar happen to me when i was sec 4 as well... so mayb the prob juz lies with me?? or mayb i m juz someone very selfish... i really dunno.. juz hope someone can tell me how lousy i can b as a fren... people always say frenz come n go.. but i really truely believe that some fren as juz for life... juz like those around me now... includin u.. i juz cant believe wat cant b solved.. i juz dun wanna lose a fren juz like that... few days ago i juz saw a n sms.. its says "conflicts make frenship stronger" i wonder if it is true... or it will juz spoil a frenship... i really dunno... dunno if i m askin for a lot but i juz need few true frenz by my side.. thats all.. dun think its too demandin... rite now i can juz wait.. wait n wait n wait until u r ready... no more apoplogise, no more empty promises... juz no more.. dun worry... but somehow.. seriously i juz have the faith in our frenship that it wont juz end like that.. coz it was juz meant to b..
was quite happy yesterday as well.. my dear malc came back all the way to school to wait for my v ball trainin to end... hahaha.. touched!! hehe.. it was really sweet of him... but think he will b goin to jw house in malaysia this weekend... wont b able to c him for 3 days... hope i can tahan... hahahaha... but its ok.. i will b meetin him tmr.. its so fast!! 2 months already...
anyway... quite worried bout my promos too... 30% passes in jy paper onli.. doubt i will b one of the 30% oso... haiz.. mayb i should juz start studyin now... coz i have to pass my sub paper.. haha.. juz receive a call from yunx... have to go c the doctor with her now coz she is also sick!! hahahaha.. thats so qiao again... yup.. got to go now... take care my frenz.. dun b sick like me!! hahahaha...
intoxicated* ||| 1:18:00 PM
Sunday, October 19, 2003
yeah!! promos is finally over!! tot i would b bloggin everyday but realise i got no mood to blog at all.. duno y.. damn sian now.. mayb i should juz cont 2 study coz i have to take sub paper lor...
anyway.. i have been goin out ever since promos ended.. thur after econs paper i went town to shop with lala yunx boi n joce.. den my dear carol came to join us... wat yunx said was damn rite.. haha.. she said that we were "late developers" hahaha.. that was true.. i felt really tired when i juz came out.. but yunx lala carol n me started to shop like crazy at bout 7+.. haha.. we were goin from shop to shop lookin 4 clothes... haha.. was damn fun.. =) i bought a purple skirt!! so happy!! after that we shared a cab home... although i was quite tirin.. but very fun!! den fri after the NE paper i went home to rest.. den i went to meet my dear malc.. we went to esplanade for a walk.. juz realise its been a really long time since i last spend "solid time" with him.. felt reallly bad.. this wed will b our 2nd month.. thats really fast lor... haha.. but i m happy!!
yesterday (sat) was the best time!! met lala boi yunx celeste caroline in town when T20 was doin their flag day.. haha.. den after that we went KTV!! so fun!! its been a really long time since i last sang!! the best was that my dear malc came to join us for a while... hahaaha..poor him gonna hear me sing...hehe... he left after that coz his frenz goin to his house... den left me boi sam mel weijian jeremy joce wee jim to go for dinner... but weijian left without havin dinner with us even though he promised us... haiz.. nvm.. den we went pizza hut for dinner.. sam was super tired n he looks drunk... hahaha.. so funny.. he was doon weird really weird stuffs!! hehe.. the worst decision of my life was to follow them to starbucks at PS.. wa lau!! we were playin games n i kept on gettin the punishment!!! siao one leh... i m damn angry!!! hahaha.. esp wee jim n sam.. they made me do stupid things n even took a photo of me!! so irritatin leh... hiaz.. my image will n gone very very soon... anyway sorry yunx.. i promise this will not happen again... *swear* hahaha
today is the onli day i finally got time for myself... woke up at 11+.. coz talk to him until 4 the nite b4... damn tired... but i got no choice.. gonna wake up... i went shoppin with my mum n sis.. stupid sis.. she bought my fav hp.. 7250i.. haiz.. somemore purple colour!!! i gonna faint ah!! dun care.. i wanna buy if i can promote.. goin to tell my mum that!! anyway good news!! my dad allow me to pierce my ear again!! hahahah.. i m goin to pierce next wk!! boi n lala said that they r willin to go wif me.. i soooo excited!!! hahahaha... yup i bought a lot of stuffs today!! luckily i went with my mum.. if not i gonna pay for everything... hahaha.. so happy!! bought so many clothes... after shoppin my dad came to fetch us to go for dinner... its his birthday!! happy birthday my dear daddy!!
juz when everything is over... school is startin again!! haiz.. gonna go back to school tmr.. sianzzzzzzzz.... tmr suppose to b a slackin day... but gonna stay in school for a stupid 1st aid course.. but its ok!! goin suntec with lala n yunx after school to buy lala mummy present... at least i dun have to go home st8 to face the 4 walls... hahahaha...
at this pt of time.. i juz hope that i can promote.. heard from miss ang that i got a B for my maths but think i will fail my hist... haiz.. juz wanna promote safely.. think the followin week gonna b damn tirin.. gonna study n work at the same time... but no choice lah... juz wanna work so i got some extra cash for shoppin n some other stuffs n have fun!! hahahah.. lalalalalalal!!!
yup.. gonna end soon.. very tired.. wanna go lala land already... hope my dear boi can sleep tonight... really hope she is feelin better.. boi cheer up k?? everything will b fine.... nitez dearies!! seeya tmr!!! i love u dear!! :p
intoxicated* ||| 11:40:00 PM
